2013 put me on the fast track to growing older. I felt nothing different when I graduated in April, nor when I turned 21 in July. These past few months though, I have been feeling older—not so much from personal change but from realizing that everyone I had been “young with” was also getting older. Some of my batch mates from grade school now have their own families. Many of the friends I’ve cherished since high school are now employed. We have all changed—some more than others—but I love them just the same. I won’t flatter myself by using the term “adult”; socially and emotionally I’m still quite far from getting there. Maybe that can be my Christmas gift for my parents next year. Haha.
Law school has aged me, too. In many ways, it’s like high school intensified. You gossip about relationships within the block and you make (totally mature) impressions of your teachers and classmates. You not only see the same people every day; you often get humiliated in front of them inside and outside of class. The odd thing is, as a generally risk-averse person, I try not to put myself in difficult situations. Perhaps one of the many ironies of law school is that many of us pursue a JD to have a stable and hopefully prosperous career, but the road to reach it is paved with spikes and moody profs. Every class of every day puts you at risk of getting embarrassed in front of your peers. Every bad recit gives you gnawing self-doubt that you just aren’t used to. Well, I hope I never get used to it, otherwise I’d become callous and stop caring when it happens.
A more optimistic way (hence, one to which I’m not accustomed) of looking at this is having a daily slice of humble pie. For a person who’s constantly battling with pride and conceitedness (e.g. me) it’s much-needed, even if it means learning things the hard way. You see, in Malcolm Hall, you have to maintain a cool and collected façade to give the prof the impression that you read everything for class even when you’re not prepared at all. Behind that, though, is a student who’s scared shitless of what will become of him/her for the next 2 hours. The truth is I am nothing without the people who molded me and who continue to have my back. We’re all just holding our breath, hoping for the best for everyone, because whatever happens to one person reflects on the whole class. These are the things you understand most after every embarrassment.
In other words, I survived 2013 only because I had great and lovely people around me. They deserve much more than a long-winded end-of-year post a rarely-used Tumblog, but unfortunately that’s all they’re getting for now. I really want to treat and spoil you guys but I don’t yet have the resources to do so. Hahaha. So, to my crazy and wonderful family who has always been supportive; to the boyfriend, Paul Kevin; to my babbys Yoly and K.Lo; to the TTs (can we pick a new name for 2014 lol); to Papa Reuel; to the best block ever, C2017; to my high school friends who’ve stuck with me, thank you for getting me through the year! Here’s to future spoiling, and gratitude expressed in many forms. Thank you. Thank you. :)